I am often told that I don’t look like the typical <insert my ‘obvious’ socially-constructed identity markers here>, and for various reasons: I tended to socialize moreso outside of the queer/LGBT community during my transition and with people within my career-field (apparel/fashion.)  I also frequented and was a part of queer/LGBT spaces that were very much fluid when it came to expression. I never even thought much about “my look” being a problem until I tried to socialize with other black trans women and seriously entered the dating game. While I was always praised for my sense of fashion within certain circles, it always seemed to miss the mark or not read well.  I never seemed to be able to relate to other trans women and never seemed to connect with men on an intimate level. When I probed and inquired about the issue, I was surprised to learn that part of the issue could be ‘my look.’ I was told to ‘wear heels more’, show more skin, and not dress so ‘androgynous’; that there was a certain way that women (specifically trans women) should look.

I was appalled.  I always had the assumption and belief that my identity was my identity; regardless of my appearance.  But, as more time passed, and I was still not readily accepted or deemed approachable, I began to contemplate and wonder if there was indeed a (“LGBT/queer”) look and if my insistence on cultivating my own look/self-expression was in its own way separating me from the trans and queer community?  That age-old question of ‘is there a “gay” look (a “trans” look, a “lesbian” look, a “queer” look, etc.)’ seems to linger, and I wonder if it has some merit.

As ‘politically-incorrect’ and even derogatory as it sounds, when one says someone has a ‘gay look’, oftentimes you close your eyes and picture an LGBT person with stereotypical attributes.  As stomach-churning, as it may sound, I can rattle them off just as quick as it is said (gay men in tight, effeminate clothing, lesbian women in flannel, etc.) But where did these stereotypes come from?  And while stereotypes are rooted in offensive views, is there any advantage to having a “gay” look?

The history of the “gay” look can be rooted back to the birth of the modern LGBT social movements of the 1970s.  After the Stonewall Riots, the LGBT community’s fight for equal rights, fair treatment, and social equity came front and center within a nation who had politely ignored their existence.  The country saw, for the first time, queer people up close and personal, and began to associate their being with certain attributes; whether it was as bold as the rainbow flag, or as subtle as the way the clothing is worn and the types of clothing worn.  Soon, anyone, say, wearing rainbow colors or such items was identified as “gay” or having a “gay” look.

While it is never good to stereotype anyone based on their appearance, back in the day, those clothing/physical indicators were sometimes the only way they could identify each other and bond within a society that often relegated them to the shadows and the outskirts.  For instance, bandana colors and the side they were worn on were ways that gay men were able to silently identify their sexual interests, desires, etc. And while physical, gender, and self-expression have since expanded significantly within the community, the LGBT community still relies on mostly those tried-and-true stereotypes that make up the “gay” look.  Relying on these stereotypes as the representation and official expression from the LGBT community not only undermines the expansion and growth of the community and the identities that are within it, it also negatively reinforces stereotypes that continue to oppress the LGBT community. The acceptance of the “gay” look adds fuel to prejudice and discrimination not just from outside the community, but within it.  It can cause many within the community to feel ostracized and different if they don’t measure up to the “gay” look. There are even times where I often wonder if things would be easier for me within the community if I would just “looked the part.”

As we continue to grow and evolve as a community, we must realize there is no such thing as a “gay” look, and hopefully, we can get to a point where there is no dress code associated with identity and expression of self.