Fashion Designer Thai Nguyen On Shattering Stereotypes About The Queer Vietnamese Community

February 10, 2021 David Lopez

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Photographer Huy Khiem; Styling Kevin Do; Suits custom designed by Thai Nguyen Atelier

Thai Nguyen is a fashion designer who is a household name in the Vietnamese community. You may have fallen in love with him on Netflix’s ‘Say I Do’ where he waves his magical wand as the Fairy Gown Mother for couples being surprised with their dream wedding. Alongside celebrity chef Gabriele Bertaccini and interior designer Jeramiah Brent, Thai delves into the lives of couples who have overcome obstacles in their search for happiness.

In the pursuit of his own happiness, Thai has had to think creatively to stand out in the fashion industry while shattering stereotypes about the queer Vietnamese community. He has dressed iconic names such as Jennifer Lopez, Ariana Grande, Laverne Cox, Nicole Scherzinger, Kate Beckinsale, and countless others who have dominated in his custom designs. Contributing writer David Lopez interviewed Thai over Zoom.

David Lopez: Tell me a little about your atelier. How long have you been in Orange County?

Thai Nguyen: My atelier is in Costa Mesa and I have been in Orange County since 2006. Right after I graduated from the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising (FIDM) in 2003, I worked for BCBG for three years. And then I was like, “You know what? I'm Vietnamese, I'm a minority: there's no way I can make it into the fashion industry in the mainstream world.” It was best for me to go back to my roots and to my community. Little Saigon in OC is the largest Vietnamese community in America. So I decided to move to OC and create my brand.

David: How has your journey in fashion been since you decided to pursue that?

Thai: It’s the best decision ever! I get support from my community. I have this theory: the fashion industry is like an ocean and I'm this tiny shrimp. Nobody's gonna know me: there's a ton of us out there and the fashion industry is huge. But if I go back to the Vietnamese community, it’s a small pond, it's easier to be noticed. It doesn't cost as much, I can make as many mistakes as I can, and I learn from my community. I speak the language, I know the culture, the heritage, and the way of life. It has been the best decision ever.

I do have quite a following in the Vietnamese community because I dress, create, and do costume design for all the Vietnamese celebrities, concerts, and music videos. Three years ago I decided to crossover to the mainstream and have a collection for special occasion red carpet. Then Miss Jennifer Lopez wore my gown on American Idol and then that kind of started everything.

David: Are you originally from Orange County?

Thai: I was born in Vietnam. I came to the United States in 1993. We moved to Olympia, Washington when I was 13. I lived in Olympia until I graduated high school and then I went to FIDM in Downtown LA. My parents are still in Washington.

David: How did your parents take your career choice?

Thai: It's different because my parents had a private sewing school in Vietnam back in the day, to teach people how to sew and become tailors—more like an occupational school. So I've always been around fashion and I actually learned how to sew when I was nine years old. So they understand that it’s my passion.

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Photographer Huy Khiem; Styling Kevin Do; Suits custom designed by Thai Nguyen Atelier

At the same time, they weren't so encouraging for me to go into that field because they really don't know about the fashion industry. In their mind being a “fashion designer,” especially for a Vietnamese person, means being a seamstress. They didn't want that. My dad wanted me to stay close to the family and just have something stable. My mom wanted me to become an accountant because she likes stability. They're very traditional Vietnamese, but they didn’t want to push me to be a lawyer, doctor, or engineer. They've been very supportive from the beginning, but they just didn't want me to have to work so hard.

David: Through your work in fashion and working with celebrities and red carpets, is that how you got involved with the show Say I Do?

Thai: It was introduced to me by a casting firm. It's really full circle. Kind of magical. One of the casting directors that cast me for a show called Launch My Line on Bravo ten years ago had this [role available] and I saw it. I think they secretly created this show for me, because that's what I do every day—creating one of a kind gowns for brides. That's how I got the opportunity.

David: Was it a very competitive casting process?

Thai: Yes, it was. But the way they do it is just really amazing. Just getting the opportunity to come to the casting was already changing my life. And then when I got the call that I made the show and that changed my life. Now the show is on Netflix. Literally— it changed my life.

David: In the show, you shared very personal anecdotes about your life, relationship, and culture. As a Latino, we share a lot of similarities. Culturally, queer people are just expected to set who they are aside. Kind of like a “don't ask, don't tell” thing where you're you, but don't show the whole world. There's this sense of shame or embarrassment that comes over families. How have you dealt with that since the airing of the show and leading up to that?

Thai: What you brought up is really accurate because we are not American [born]. We come from another country, from another background, not the same culture. We got here because of the sacrifices of our parents and our family. We appreciate that so much that we don't want to disappoint our family, we respect them for those sacrifices. That's why we are willing to put that aside. We don't want to interfere with that.

On the show, I listened to these people's stories, and I just thought, “We are not alone.” You and I, we deserve to have this equal opportunity to live freely. I didn't think I was going to share everything and go that far on the show. To be honest, that was not my intention. It was more about my passion. But when I heard these stories, and I had the support of co-hosts Jeremiah and Gabe, it was the perfect time to share my story and set myself free.

Since the show came out there’s been so much love and I'm overwhelmed with the support from people all over the world—younger, older, Asian, other communities, it's an inspiration. For a lot of us for a very long time, we haven’t been able to speak up. I've always lived by what you said, “Don't ask, don't tell.” I think it's time our families, my parents, your family, our communities, need to be exposed to this kind of beauty and love. It is beautiful and they haven't been exposed to it so they don't understand. There's a stigma about the Vietnamese community that gays are flamboyant or out being outrageous, but that's not true. There are many different people. This is a wonderful platform and opportunity for parents and communities like ours to be exposed to that.

David: American culture is so fixated on the coming out story and how that defines you as a queer person. I think people don't understand that for subgroups, other demographics and other cultures, there's sometimes no opportunity to have a coming out story because of who we are. Are you able to share a little bit of, if you have one, your coming out story, or if you were able to do that freely?

Thai: It took me a very long time to come out to my parents because I just didn't want to hurt them. Because I'm the only child there's a certain responsibility. There’s also my grandma, my relatives. It’s good that you mentioned that about American cultures. For us it’s different. We are all about community and family and we want them to be there, we want them to be happy.

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Photographer Huy Khiem; Styling Kevin Do; Suits custom designed by Thai Nguyen Atelier

I did not come out to my parents until I was 35 because I feel I have a responsibility to take care of them as they get older. I want to have a successful life and career and be able to take care of them. I feared that if I come out, and they don't like what they're hearing, they would disown me. So that's the reason why I didn’t come out until I had the ability to take care of them. And it took me 35 years.

David: On the show, you did mention a little bit about your parents’ response and the way your parents see you and your relationship. Can you share a little bit about how things are now or how they received the show?

Thai: Well, I came out to them and it was hard for them. With time they have felt better. Then I asked about a wedding and it was hard for them a second time. Now, every time they come to visit, they see how I am with my partner Kevin. They see how we are happy and how we are there for each other. At the end of the day, our parents just want to see us happy. I know in their hearts they love me and they love Kevin, and they just want me to have somebody.

At the same time, they still need time to process. They need time to see more beauty in the gay community. They haven't seen the show, because they are quarantining in a different state. I told them that I wanted to watch the show with them. I want to translate what I said on the show in Vietnamese to avoid misunderstanding. I just want to protect them. I told them, “Don't go on social media, don't listen to people,” because there are people in the community or family who will see the show and they will say something. Thankfully all the comments have been positive. They're very happy and very proud.

To be honest, they are more happy when they see me on Vietnamese media than on American media. To them, I made it when I'm on Paris by Night, but they don't know the magnitude of Netflix.

David: I feel that the show is a love letter to the queer community. Three gay experts that come in and give people their dream wedding, but also share such personal anecdotes from their own lives. It's very important for queer folks to see more than just a ‘wedding show’. Why do you feel this is important for the LGBTQ+ community? What are some takeaways from this?

Thai: You're right in a lot of ways. The show is not just about weddings, it's not just about gay guys designing gowns, creating events, or cooking delicious meals. It's about humans, it's about love, it's about kindness, and it's about family. When we get to the first wedding, when we are standing in the back during the ceremony, and we hear them say ‘I do’ to each other. It's a commitment to themselves. While making the episode, they committed to their family and they committed the time to their children. It's life, it's human. We should be proud, whether we are gay or straight. It's more than three gay guys doing beautiful things. Other people can do beautiful things, too. Because we're gay, we've doubled the dose when it comes to sensitivity. We can view things and we can feel things in different ways. That's the beauty of being gay.

As Creative Director and designer for Thai Nguyen Atelier, Thai holds to his philosophy that each of his custom couture designs is an ultimate experience in luxury. For more information about Thai Nguyen’s work, visit thainguyenatelier.com or Instagram.